So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
