I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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