There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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