I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
