I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
