ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
