Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
