Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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