Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
BRING THE BAGELS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
