my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize