8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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