Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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