Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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