hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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