she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
