Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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