"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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