Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
