He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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