He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i came on her dog
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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