Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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