Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
