I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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