i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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