i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
