Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
