I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
