All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
