Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.