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Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Randomize
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