I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize