The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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