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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

  Fav 99 14197 2112

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

  Fav 15 3311 955

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• (914): View more from New York

  i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.

  Fav 29 828 6197

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• (818): View more from California

  Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

  Fav 42 10662 2370

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.

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• (949): View more from California

  You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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• 

  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.

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• (714): View more from California

  We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015

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