She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way