you would pick up someone in the library
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me