He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
