Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
