Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize