so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
