He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
