u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize