There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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