We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
