Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
