She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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