if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
