What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
