I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
