My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
