what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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