I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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