careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
