Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
