Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
