i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
