I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
