My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize