she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
