i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
