Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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