: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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