if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
