I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can Purell be used as lube?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
