I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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