so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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