you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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