My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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