It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you would pick up someone in the library
pop tarts are not kleenex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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