Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
