The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
