she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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