Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
