I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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