being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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