dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
