apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
