i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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