no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
