True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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