This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
