ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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