If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
